Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Please Hop Into My Closet

I may or may not fall in love with articles of clothing

Okay. I admit it. I totally, completely, and utterly do. 
But I swear, it's only a 
small problem
 (my wallet begs to differ).

One minute I'm scrolling through pictures and pictures from clothing websites that my taste buds deem unworthy of my troll-like palate, and then with one single distracted glance, boom. It hits me. In that instance, the stars aligned, the planets orbit perfectly in sync around the sun, and a higher being whispers in my ear, "you were born on this earth to buy this." I answer back with diluted pupils and a psychopath stare, "yes master..." I found what I have been looking for all my life. 

Quickly I click on the link, choose my size, and press "buy" as my little heart races and the high hits me square in the face. And then... no. No way. You have to be kidding me. As I read the fine print, I feel needles stabbing into my pathetic soul. Sold out. I flip the table, drop to my knees, throw my fists into the air, and scream, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

And this, ladies and gentlemen,
 is the story of how I ended up in a psych ward. 

I'm totally kidding. But at last, these are the exact stories, perhaps a little exaggerated, about how I found something on the internet that I lusted over, but it was not meant to be. The other tragic stories involve me looking at the price tag. Sigh. That's for another day. 

Anyways, as I again roam the internet for things I'll probably never get the chance to end up purchasing, I complied yet another lust list of clothes that I will admire from afar. And hope that in the future, I will purchase these items, and that my package will ship from distant land (probably China). But for now, here are a few things that should totally be in my closet right now.

Octopus Hoodie | Link |: This has to be the coolest hoodie that I have ever seen. Not only does it fit the current monochromatic trend, it's freaking octopus tentacles draped majestically over the top half of the piece. The minute I saw it, I convinced myself that I needed it. With my luck, it's sold out. I already decided my fate though. This hoodie and I WILL meet again. Click Here if you want to experience how I felt when I saw that it was sold out. Le sniff. Le sigh. Le cry. 

Kastor & Pollux Hologram Skirt | Link |: This skirt looks like the back of one of the stickers you get from a quarter machine. And that is exactly why I want it. It reminds me of ~space~ & the ~future~ to be perfectly honest. I already imagine myself twirling in this piece and admiring each glisten that the skirt gives off when light hits it. 

3rd Eye Bralette Link |: I love this. I know it's a pretty simple graphic, but it completely stands on it's own. I'm a sucker for anything black and green, and this fits it perfectly. I would probably pair this with a circle skirt or high-waisted shorts/jeans. And if anyone keeps staring at the graphic, I an amusingly say, "hello? Eyes are up here." 

Acidic High-Waisted Shorts | Link |: I know, I know. My butt will totally fall out of this. I'm not a fan of my cheeks having the chance to say hi to the world, but the elongated zipper is what totally draws me in. Not only does it lengthens my stubby silhouette, it proportions my body and adds a strange sophistication. A.K.A., I am desperately drooling as I type this out.  

Tied Black Platform Ankle Boots | Link |: Little witch booties. Little witch booties tapping on the pavement. Little witch booties climbing up wooden stairs. Little witch booties  tiptoeing across tile. Clack. Clack. Clack. These are the perfectly boots to pair with black thigh high socks. I only stand at 5 feet and barely 1 inch. By pairing these heeled boots with long socks in the same color, I manage to make my legs seem like they go on for miles. What's that phrase? Fake it till you make it. 

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